You may all thank me; I have gone to see “The Evil Dead” so that you don’t have to.

But first, my Hollywood Crap assessment:

A movie poster was up for “The Lone Ranger”. Before you go walking too far down the thought-path of Hollywood possibly having made a watchable movie, you should know that the role of Tonto will be played by Johnny Depp. Who will be wearing a dead bird on his head. I feel that this movie may safely be added to the ever-growing pile of cinematic feces which I will never see.

Along that line, trailers were shown for two other movies, “You’re Next” and “Carrie”, which clearly demonstrate that Hollywood has still not managed to find a single creative writer, but that they have moved into full Christian-attacking mode. *gag*

As for the feature, well, the title was warning. But I decided to give it a try because, well, the original “The Evil Dead” sucked. It was a college film project, and I don’t know anyone who thought it was a great movie. The power of the Evil Dead series lies in the later movies–“The Evil Dead 2” and “Army of Darkness”. The title was a warning because “2” wasn’t a sequel, but a re-make; someone who really appreciated the franchise would have called this movie “The Evil Dead 3”–or better, have made “Army of Darkness 2”.

Instead, they re-created the original without any of the things that made the later movies successful. There was no camp or dark humor in this movie; just bad acting and an over-reliance on violence and gore. Gone was the implied horror; instead of having someone dragged into the darkness and leaving the viewer to imagine what was making those awful noises, every moment of every attack is shown in disgusting detail.

But the worst is that the mythology has changed. The Evil Dead series has always centered around the Necronomicon, placing it, however inexpertly, in the realm of the Cthulhu Mythos (this has been one of its biggest appeals to me). This new movie, however, has “the Evil Book”, which is quite clearly Satanic in nature (and I think as much homage is played to the cinematic adaptation of “The Exorcist” in this movie, as is paid to the original “The Evil Dead”).

This is a lazy, unintelligent “re-make” (of a re-make). I can’t recommend it to anyone.

Published by Little-Known Blogger

I spent the first years of my life in a trailer park outside of a tiny town in rural Missouri. I grew up to be a long-haired, gun-hating, military-hating, Presbyterian super-liberal. Well, perhaps the “growing up” happened later. While in high school, I was on the cross-country and wrestling teams, and actually won my weight-class in a State powerlifting competition. I went on to attend college on a Bright Flight scholarship, where I promptly became an atheist. I trained for a few years in Shotokan karate and Cheng-system taijiquan before training in my first real martial art, Hwarang-Do, under the late Franklin Fowlkes (later the Founder and Grandmaster of the Five Elements Martial Arts System). I married an older Taiwanese woman my junior year, got divorced in short order, and dropped out of college. After completing my AA in Psychology, I decided I needed a complete change of scenery and joined the U.S. Marine Corps (having early been assured that there was no way that a skinny liberal like me would ever survive Boot Camp). Contrary to what the Hipster Zombies will tell you, this did not “brainwash me into being a Conservative”. Instead, it made me a very unhappy, short-haired liberal, surrounded by guns and the military. However, I spent my whole contract (after schools) on the island of Okinawa, where I was exposed to points of view not dominated by the American liberal media. During this time, I taught ESL classes as a side-job, trained under some of the highest-ranking masters of karate on Okinawa, and discovered the practice of Buddhism. I also spent some time in Korea, where I got to train in hapkido. It was during this period that I came gradually to realize how stupid and evil American liberalism actually is. This was partly due to my Military Police command sending me to Small Arms Instructor school, which gave me more exposure to guns than I could ever have imagined—thus negating my idiotic liberal distaste for them. After the active-duty portion of my Marine Corps contract was over, I worked several jobs, from security contracts to operating a forklift in a warehouse. In 2002, however, when the invasion of Iraq was getting under way, I signed up with the Missouri Army National Guard, and have remained with them since, continuing as a Military Policeman. I am also full-time corrections officer, a member of the Anglican Church, and at one time was an Instructor Candidate in Dekiti-Tirsia Serradas Kali (until my instructor moved away). My hobbies (beyond blogging) include strength training, shooting sports, martial arts, creating digital art, and being a huge science and science-fiction geek.

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