The Book of Greenesis, Chapter 1

1In the beginning Al Gore created the internet.

2And the earth was without propaganda, and prosperous; and calmness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Al Gore moved upon the face of the Democratic Party.

3And Al Gore said, Let there be spin: and there was spin.

4And Al Gore saw the spin, that it was profitable: and Al Gore divided the spin from the truth.

5And Al Gore called the spin Global Warming, and the truth he called Denial. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

6And Al Gore said, Let there be a documentary about the Warming, and let it divide the Environmentalists from the Neocons.

7And Al Gore made the documentary, and divided the Environmentalists which were under Socialism from the Neocons which were above such nonsense: and it was so.

8And Al Gore called Socialism Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

9And Al Gore said, Let the Environmentalists under Socialism be gathered together unto one place, and let Carbon Credits appear: and it was so.

10And Al Gore called the Carbon Credits Earth-friendly; and the gathering together of the Socialists he called MoveOn.org: and Al Gore saw that it was profitable.

11And Al Gore said, Let the Socialists bring forth grass, the herb yielding halluciantions, and the nutroot yielding nutroots after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the internet: and it was so.

12And the Socialists brought forth grass, and herb yielding hallucinations after smoking, and MoveOn.org yielding to nutroots, whose seed was in the internet, after their kind: and Al Gore saw that it was profitable.

13And the evening and the morning were the third day.

14And Al Gore said, Let there be spin among the Socialists of the heaven to divide the Environmentalists from the Neocons; and let it be for propaganda, and for profit, and for scaring children, and everyone else but me:

15And let it be for spin in the Socialism of Heaven to give spin upon the earth: and it was so.

16And Al Gore made two great lies; the greater lie to rule the Democrats, and the lesser lie to rule the schoolchildren: he got the Nobel Peace Prize, also.

17And Al Gore set them in MoveOn.org to give spin upon the earth,

18And to rule over the Socialists and over the schoolchildren, and to divide the Environmentalists from the Neocons: and Al Gore saw that it was profitable.

19And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

20And Al Gore said, Let the spin bring forth abundantly the nutroots that hath conspiracy theories, and failed draft-dodgers that may fly above Congress in the open.

21And Al Gore created great panic, and every nutroot that blogeth, which the documentary brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every failed draft-dodger after his kind: and Al Gore saw that it was profitable.

22And Al Gore blessed them, saying, be Socialist, and use no technology, and do not melt the icecaps to fill the seas, and let everything but people multiply in the earth.

23And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

24And Al Gore said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: as long as it isn’t people.

25And Al Gore praised the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and Al Gore saw that it was profitable.

26And Al Gore said, Let us make Democrats in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the nutroots, and over the conspiracy theorists, and over the draft-dodgers, and over all the anti-victory activists, and over every Socialist that creepeth upon the earth.

27So Al Gore created Democrats in his own image, in the image of Al Gore created he him; Obama and Hillary created he them.

28And Al Gore blessed them, and Al Gore said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and repress prosperity, and subdue it: and have dominion over the nutroots, and over the conspiracy theorists, and over every Socialist that moveth upon the earth.

29And Al Gore said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing hallucinations, which is upon the windows of all the Socialists, and every tree, which removes carbon dioxide; to you it shall be for activism.

30And to every nutroot, and to every conspiracy theorist, and to every Socialist that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is activism, I have given every green herb for hallucinating: and it was so.

31And Al Gore saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very profitable. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Published by Little-Known Blogger

I spent the first years of my life in a trailer park outside of a tiny town in rural Missouri. I grew up to be a long-haired, gun-hating, military-hating, Presbyterian super-liberal. Well, perhaps the “growing up” happened later. While in high school, I was on the cross-country and wrestling teams, and actually won my weight-class in a State powerlifting competition. I went on to attend college on a Bright Flight scholarship, where I promptly became an atheist. I trained for a few years in Shotokan karate and Cheng-system taijiquan before training in my first real martial art, Hwarang-Do, under the late Franklin Fowlkes (later the Founder and Grandmaster of the Five Elements Martial Arts System). I married an older Taiwanese woman my junior year, got divorced in short order, and dropped out of college. After completing my AA in Psychology, I decided I needed a complete change of scenery and joined the U.S. Marine Corps (having early been assured that there was no way that a skinny liberal like me would ever survive Boot Camp). Contrary to what the Hipster Zombies will tell you, this did not “brainwash me into being a Conservative”. Instead, it made me a very unhappy, short-haired liberal, surrounded by guns and the military. However, I spent my whole contract (after schools) on the island of Okinawa, where I was exposed to points of view not dominated by the American liberal media. During this time, I taught ESL classes as a side-job, trained under some of the highest-ranking masters of karate on Okinawa, and discovered the practice of Buddhism. I also spent some time in Korea, where I got to train in hapkido. It was during this period that I came gradually to realize how stupid and evil American liberalism actually is. This was partly due to my Military Police command sending me to Small Arms Instructor school, which gave me more exposure to guns than I could ever have imagined—thus negating my idiotic liberal distaste for them. After the active-duty portion of my Marine Corps contract was over, I worked several jobs, from security contracts to operating a forklift in a warehouse. In 2002, however, when the invasion of Iraq was getting under way, I signed up with the Missouri Army National Guard, and have remained with them since, continuing as a Military Policeman. I am also full-time corrections officer, a member of the Anglican Church, and at one time was an Instructor Candidate in Dekiti-Tirsia Serradas Kali (until my instructor moved away). My hobbies (beyond blogging) include strength training, shooting sports, martial arts, creating digital art, and being a huge science and science-fiction geek.

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