Bitch Slap

Well, we’re almost three months in to 2010, and they’ve finally released a movie I find watchable–straight to DVD, of course. Even the mighty Avatar has taken its place next to Pearl Harbor and Titanic in the dustbin of “Blockbusters I will probably never, ever watch.”

Before I go any farther, let me state for the record that this movie is not for everyone. Am I recommending this movie because it has an inspiring message of reason and liberty? No. Am I recommending this movie because it is all about three incredibly hot chicks in skimpy, skimpy outfits who alternate between cat-fighting and making out with each other?

Hell, YES!

If hot chicks shooting things with incredibly large guns (occasionally from motorcycles) doesn’t appeal to you, may I recommend Bitch Slap for the sheer inventiveness of its vulgarity? I couldn’t even follow some of the invectives.

Adding to the fun is the fact that the cast of Hercules and Xena are on board. And I don’t mean a couple of recurring extras like you find in other B flicks–I mean Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, Michael Hurst and Renee O’Connor! This makes it even better, because I’ve been using these shows as mental floss between homework assignments.

Folks, if what I’ve described has intrigued you, watch this movie. It’s LOTS of fun. Guys, you can watch this with your girlfriend–in the week between the moment the final credits end, and the moment she finally starts talking to you again, you can drop back by here to thank me.

Published by Little-Known Blogger

I spent the first years of my life in a trailer park outside of a tiny town in rural Missouri. I grew up to be a long-haired, gun-hating, military-hating, Presbyterian super-liberal. Well, perhaps the “growing up” happened later. While in high school, I was on the cross-country and wrestling teams, and actually won my weight-class in a State powerlifting competition. I went on to attend college on a Bright Flight scholarship, where I promptly became an atheist. I trained for a few years in Shotokan karate and Cheng-system taijiquan before training in my first real martial art, Hwarang-Do, under the late Franklin Fowlkes (later the Founder and Grandmaster of the Five Elements Martial Arts System). I married an older Taiwanese woman my junior year, got divorced in short order, and dropped out of college. After completing my AA in Psychology, I decided I needed a complete change of scenery and joined the U.S. Marine Corps (having early been assured that there was no way that a skinny liberal like me would ever survive Boot Camp). Contrary to what the Hipster Zombies will tell you, this did not “brainwash me into being a Conservative”. Instead, it made me a very unhappy, short-haired liberal, surrounded by guns and the military. However, I spent my whole contract (after schools) on the island of Okinawa, where I was exposed to points of view not dominated by the American liberal media. During this time, I taught ESL classes as a side-job, trained under some of the highest-ranking masters of karate on Okinawa, and discovered the practice of Buddhism. I also spent some time in Korea, where I got to train in hapkido. It was during this period that I came gradually to realize how stupid and evil American liberalism actually is. This was partly due to my Military Police command sending me to Small Arms Instructor school, which gave me more exposure to guns than I could ever have imagined—thus negating my idiotic liberal distaste for them. After the active-duty portion of my Marine Corps contract was over, I worked several jobs, from security contracts to operating a forklift in a warehouse. In 2002, however, when the invasion of Iraq was getting under way, I signed up with the Missouri Army National Guard, and have remained with them since, continuing as a Military Policeman. I am also full-time corrections officer, a member of the Anglican Church, and at one time was an Instructor Candidate in Dekiti-Tirsia Serradas Kali (until my instructor moved away). My hobbies (beyond blogging) include strength training, shooting sports, martial arts, creating digital art, and being a huge science and science-fiction geek.

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