The Second-Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Heard…

A friend of mine asked me yesterday why I don’t blog anymore, so I guess I feel motivated today…

Anyway, I heard the second-funniest thing I’ve ever heard yesterday. The funniest thing I’ve ever heard was (embarrassingly) on an episode of Xena: Warrior Princess. In it, one of the characters gives this advice to another: “write what you know.” Now, this is sound advice on writing–but coming from writers whose mouthpiece to deliver it is a woman, supposedly of Classical Greece but sporting red hair and calling herself a “bard,” it’s downright hilarious.

The second-funniest thing I’ve ever heard was delivered in speech by President Obama yesterday: he told Congress that the *ahem* “health-care” bill should be passed because “it goes right down the middle of American politics.” Let me give you a counter example of this logic: Here I have a roast-beef sandwich. Here I have a sandwich made from my own feces. I’ll split them right down the middle, and you can have the resulting sandwich.

How’s your appetite?

Published by Little-Known Blogger

I spent the first years of my life in a trailer park outside of a tiny town in rural Missouri. I grew up to be a long-haired, gun-hating, military-hating, Presbyterian super-liberal. Well, perhaps the “growing up” happened later. While in high school, I was on the cross-country and wrestling teams, and actually won my weight-class in a State powerlifting competition. I went on to attend college on a Bright Flight scholarship, where I promptly became an atheist. I trained for a few years in Shotokan karate and Cheng-system taijiquan before training in my first real martial art, Hwarang-Do, under the late Franklin Fowlkes (later the Founder and Grandmaster of the Five Elements Martial Arts System). I married an older Taiwanese woman my junior year, got divorced in short order, and dropped out of college. After completing my AA in Psychology, I decided I needed a complete change of scenery and joined the U.S. Marine Corps (having early been assured that there was no way that a skinny liberal like me would ever survive Boot Camp). Contrary to what the Hipster Zombies will tell you, this did not “brainwash me into being a Conservative”. Instead, it made me a very unhappy, short-haired liberal, surrounded by guns and the military. However, I spent my whole contract (after schools) on the island of Okinawa, where I was exposed to points of view not dominated by the American liberal media. During this time, I taught ESL classes as a side-job, trained under some of the highest-ranking masters of karate on Okinawa, and discovered the practice of Buddhism. I also spent some time in Korea, where I got to train in hapkido. It was during this period that I came gradually to realize how stupid and evil American liberalism actually is. This was partly due to my Military Police command sending me to Small Arms Instructor school, which gave me more exposure to guns than I could ever have imagined—thus negating my idiotic liberal distaste for them. After the active-duty portion of my Marine Corps contract was over, I worked several jobs, from security contracts to operating a forklift in a warehouse. In 2002, however, when the invasion of Iraq was getting under way, I signed up with the Missouri Army National Guard, and have remained with them since, continuing as a Military Policeman. I am also full-time corrections officer, a member of the Anglican Church, and at one time was an Instructor Candidate in Dekiti-Tirsia Serradas Kali (until my instructor moved away). My hobbies (beyond blogging) include strength training, shooting sports, martial arts, creating digital art, and being a huge science and science-fiction geek.

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