An American Carol

Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.”
–Samuel Clemens

I’ve started with that quote because I’ve had some time to consider its meaning, given all of the times it has been thrown at me for being a “brainwashed killer.” The truth is, Clemens didn’t mean that patriots are scoundrels–but that scoundrels would use the veneer of patriotism to prevent people from questioning their motives. Think of the congressmen who ask, “Are you questioning my patriotism?” Then think of those who don’t. See what I mean?
If you are the type of person who asks, “Are you questioning my patriotism?” you shouldn’t be here. As much as I enjoy traffic on my blog, you really aren’t welcome. More to the point of this post, however, you won’t enjoy An American Carol. Carol is part slapstick spoof and part feel-good-about-America movie; the two don’t mix seamlessly, and like any movie trying to push an agenda, it gets tiresome in places. I think those places are worth sitting through to see the rest of the movie, however–and in it’s defense, it is certainly no more agenda-driven than the original Christmas Carol.
While I was alone, for some reason, in laughing out loud about the “Episcopal Suppository Bomber,” I was far from alone in laughing out loud during the movie. The only part I really didn’t enjoy was the trailers–they decided to put a trailer for Oliver Stone’s new suckumentary, “W.” before the first really conservative feature to come out of Hollywood in thirty years.


A quick scene to whet your appetite:

The main character, Michael Malone (a spoof of Michael Moore), is cowering in a port-a-john because he knows that a group of Afghan terrorists is about to set off a bomb in Madison Square Garden, killing 20,000 American troops and their families during an Independence Day concert. Suddenly, he is slapped across the face.
It is the spirit of General George Patton, who talks to Michael about courage. Michael begins to sputter… and is slapped across the face again. This time it is the spirit of John F. Kennedy, who talks to him about doing the right thing. Michael begins to sputter again, when a third hand reaches out and slaps him across the face.
“Bill O’Reilly? What are you doing here? You’re not a spirit!”
“I know,” answers a smirking O’Reilly. “I just enjoy slapping you.”

The take-home message is this: if you are tired of the constant stream of anti-American, military-bashing, leftist crap being shoveled on you by Hollywood–go to the cinema and watch this movie. If you like it (and I think you will), watch it AGAIN. Due to the nearly totalitarian political situation in Hollywood, everyone involved in this movie has literally put their careers on the line–this is our one good shot to send Hollywood a message that they might be able to understand. Let’s give Carol a really big opening weekend!

Update: Some agrees with me.


While I’m plugging movies, let me put in a word for Get Smart. I saw this with friends in Kansas City, at the dollar cinema. We were really expecting another Starsky and Hutch debacle.
But this movie was good.
Really good. The gags were not only funny, they were smart. Someone did serious homework to make this a movie worth watching, and I recommend it. If it’s too late to catch it at the cinema, the DVD release is in December.

Published by Little-Known Blogger

I spent the first years of my life in a trailer park outside of a tiny town in rural Missouri. I grew up to be a long-haired, gun-hating, military-hating, Presbyterian super-liberal. Well, perhaps the “growing up” happened later. While in high school, I was on the cross-country and wrestling teams, and actually won my weight-class in a State powerlifting competition. I went on to attend college on a Bright Flight scholarship, where I promptly became an atheist. I trained for a few years in Shotokan karate and Cheng-system taijiquan before training in my first real martial art, Hwarang-Do, under the late Franklin Fowlkes (later the Founder and Grandmaster of the Five Elements Martial Arts System). I married an older Taiwanese woman my junior year, got divorced in short order, and dropped out of college. After completing my AA in Psychology, I decided I needed a complete change of scenery and joined the U.S. Marine Corps (having early been assured that there was no way that a skinny liberal like me would ever survive Boot Camp). Contrary to what the Hipster Zombies will tell you, this did not “brainwash me into being a Conservative”. Instead, it made me a very unhappy, short-haired liberal, surrounded by guns and the military. However, I spent my whole contract (after schools) on the island of Okinawa, where I was exposed to points of view not dominated by the American liberal media. During this time, I taught ESL classes as a side-job, trained under some of the highest-ranking masters of karate on Okinawa, and discovered the practice of Buddhism. I also spent some time in Korea, where I got to train in hapkido. It was during this period that I came gradually to realize how stupid and evil American liberalism actually is. This was partly due to my Military Police command sending me to Small Arms Instructor school, which gave me more exposure to guns than I could ever have imagined—thus negating my idiotic liberal distaste for them. After the active-duty portion of my Marine Corps contract was over, I worked several jobs, from security contracts to operating a forklift in a warehouse. In 2002, however, when the invasion of Iraq was getting under way, I signed up with the Missouri Army National Guard, and have remained with them since, continuing as a Military Policeman. I am also full-time corrections officer, a member of the Anglican Church, and at one time was an Instructor Candidate in Dekiti-Tirsia Serradas Kali (until my instructor moved away). My hobbies (beyond blogging) include strength training, shooting sports, martial arts, creating digital art, and being a huge science and science-fiction geek.

Join the Conversation


  1. Well, Hub and I will watch the movie when it is on OnDemand. (I also want to see Expelled)What you say about the Samuel Clemens quote makes perfect sense.I can’t believe people have used that quote against you!! That is terrible and only people who don’t know you could say such a wicked thing! They aren’t even questioning your motives…they are just making assumptions and being rude.Of course it is ok to questions about other people’s patriotism OR motives. If people want to be better people, than they won’t mind being questioned or challenged. People should desire to have their brains sharpened and their integrity reinforced.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: