Black Widow? AGAIN?!?

So, yesterday I ordered a pizza, and decided to wait with my front door open to get some fresh air in my house. As I opened the door, I heard a tearing noise, and knew that I was ripping fresh spider webs. I looked down, and sure enough, there was a full-grown female black widow in the doorway of my house! I killed her, but the male got away; hopefully, I got all of the egg sacs. There was much spraying of insecticide in my home!

While I’m sure that this would be traumatic for anyone, some of my readers are aware that I have a history with black widow spiders. The summer of my ninetheenth year, I was working as an Ecology instructor at Camp Thunderbird (a Boy Scout Camp near Moberly, MO). We had actually captured two large female black widows and stuck them in a double-ended salt and pepper shaker to display so that the Scouts we were teaching could see what these dangerous arachnids looked like. Both females laid egg sacs while in captivity.
Weeks later, when we were breaking down the camp at the end of summer, I knocked over the shaker. Both egg sacs had hatched, and two adult and thousands of new-born black widow spiders decided that my right arm was the path to salvation! I spent several minutes dancing and screaming like a wild man and rushed to use staff shower facilities.
Several hours later, while waiting in line for dinner, I felt an itching on the back of my neck. I swatted at it, and, sure enough… a baby black widow! I believe that my distress was understandable, having had deadly poisonous spiders on my body for the better part of day. Some of my friends on the staff decided that, since we had the night off, we should all go to Moberly and watch a movie to help me wind down. And what was playing, you ask, in the Moberly Theater that weekend in the summer of 1990?

ARACHNOPHOBIA.

I have to wonder, what is it about me and man-killers? The black widow spiders, the ex-wife, the crazy girlfriends… Coincidence? I think not!

Published by Little-Known Blogger

I spent the first years of my life in a trailer park outside of a tiny town in rural Missouri. I grew up to be a long-haired, gun-hating, military-hating, Presbyterian super-liberal. Well, perhaps the “growing up” happened later. While in high school, I was on the cross-country and wrestling teams, and actually won my weight-class in a State powerlifting competition. I went on to attend college on a Bright Flight scholarship, where I promptly became an atheist. I trained for a few years in Shotokan karate and Cheng-system taijiquan before training in my first real martial art, Hwarang-Do, under the late Franklin Fowlkes (later the Founder and Grandmaster of the Five Elements Martial Arts System). I married an older Taiwanese woman my junior year, got divorced in short order, and dropped out of college. After completing my AA in Psychology, I decided I needed a complete change of scenery and joined the U.S. Marine Corps (having early been assured that there was no way that a skinny liberal like me would ever survive Boot Camp). Contrary to what the Hipster Zombies will tell you, this did not “brainwash me into being a Conservative”. Instead, it made me a very unhappy, short-haired liberal, surrounded by guns and the military. However, I spent my whole contract (after schools) on the island of Okinawa, where I was exposed to points of view not dominated by the American liberal media. During this time, I taught ESL classes as a side-job, trained under some of the highest-ranking masters of karate on Okinawa, and discovered the practice of Buddhism. I also spent some time in Korea, where I got to train in hapkido. It was during this period that I came gradually to realize how stupid and evil American liberalism actually is. This was partly due to my Military Police command sending me to Small Arms Instructor school, which gave me more exposure to guns than I could ever have imagined—thus negating my idiotic liberal distaste for them. After the active-duty portion of my Marine Corps contract was over, I worked several jobs, from security contracts to operating a forklift in a warehouse. In 2002, however, when the invasion of Iraq was getting under way, I signed up with the Missouri Army National Guard, and have remained with them since, continuing as a Military Policeman. I am also full-time corrections officer, a member of the Anglican Church, and at one time was an Instructor Candidate in Dekiti-Tirsia Serradas Kali (until my instructor moved away). My hobbies (beyond blogging) include strength training, shooting sports, martial arts, creating digital art, and being a huge science and science-fiction geek.

Join the Conversation

2 Comments

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: