Cinematic Horror

Hmmm… I suppose that I should begin with Silent Hill. Apparently, a lot of movie-goers aren’t enjoying it, or even really understanding it. This would be the same crowd that didn’t get The Cell. It’s really fairly deep and engaging for a video-game movie–although a bit gory toward the end. Possibly the lack of happy ending confuses the masses. Personally, the only thing that confused me was the winding road in the deeps of rural Virginia that had lots of street lights.

On the home-video front, I rented a couple recently: Cerberus, Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis, and Dreams in the Witch-House.

Cerberus was kinda fun, although unnecessarily convoluted. The basic plot is that Cerberus is unleashed upon Romania when the sword of Mars is stolen from Attila the Hun’s crypt. Of course, “Attila carried the sword of Mars and now Cerberus protects it” apparently didn’t work for the producers; instead, we are treated to a five-minute flashback establishing that Attila dug up an old sword and called it “the sword of Mars” to bolster his reputation, then made a pact with the Devil, who imbued it with the power of invincibility. Then, after Attila’s death, the Devil set Cerberus–who to my knowledge was never incorporated into Christian mythology–to guard the sword. Makes me tired just typing it.
The real pull for the movie is Emmanuelle “she-who-would-be-the-widow-of-Lex-Luthor” Vaugier, late of Smallville fame.

As for Necropolis, it was obviously made by someone who not only had never seen a real gun, but who had never watched any of the original Return movies: the zombies in Necropolis are readily dispatched by a bullet to the head. The pull for Necropolis is… well, there really isn’t any.

Finally, Dreams in the Witch-House is part of a new 13 movie “Masters of Horror” series–one-hour movies made by the directors of various horror classics. Dreams was directed by Stuart Gordon, of Re-Animator and From Beyond. Unfortunately, even after two previous H.P.L. outings, he still gets it wrong: Dreams is about a Devil-cult. I was willing to forgive the modernization; I was even willing to forgive the silly romance (it’s a really short story), but putting a Christian theme in an H.P.L. story simply demonstrates a lack of regard for the subject matter.

Published by Little-Known Blogger

I spent the first years of my life in a trailer park outside of a tiny town in rural Missouri. I grew up to be a long-haired, gun-hating, military-hating, Presbyterian super-liberal. Well, perhaps the “growing up” happened later. While in high school, I was on the cross-country and wrestling teams, and actually won my weight-class in a State powerlifting competition. I went on to attend college on a Bright Flight scholarship, where I promptly became an atheist. I trained for a few years in Shotokan karate and Cheng-system taijiquan before training in my first real martial art, Hwarang-Do, under the late Franklin Fowlkes (later the Founder and Grandmaster of the Five Elements Martial Arts System). I married an older Taiwanese woman my junior year, got divorced in short order, and dropped out of college. After completing my AA in Psychology, I decided I needed a complete change of scenery and joined the U.S. Marine Corps (having early been assured that there was no way that a skinny liberal like me would ever survive Boot Camp). Contrary to what the Hipster Zombies will tell you, this did not “brainwash me into being a Conservative”. Instead, it made me a very unhappy, short-haired liberal, surrounded by guns and the military. However, I spent my whole contract (after schools) on the island of Okinawa, where I was exposed to points of view not dominated by the American liberal media. During this time, I taught ESL classes as a side-job, trained under some of the highest-ranking masters of karate on Okinawa, and discovered the practice of Buddhism. I also spent some time in Korea, where I got to train in hapkido. It was during this period that I came gradually to realize how stupid and evil American liberalism actually is. This was partly due to my Military Police command sending me to Small Arms Instructor school, which gave me more exposure to guns than I could ever have imagined—thus negating my idiotic liberal distaste for them. After the active-duty portion of my Marine Corps contract was over, I worked several jobs, from security contracts to operating a forklift in a warehouse. In 2002, however, when the invasion of Iraq was getting under way, I signed up with the Missouri Army National Guard, and have remained with them since, continuing as a Military Policeman. I am also full-time corrections officer, a member of the Anglican Church, and at one time was an Instructor Candidate in Dekiti-Tirsia Serradas Kali (until my instructor moved away). My hobbies (beyond blogging) include strength training, shooting sports, martial arts, creating digital art, and being a huge science and science-fiction geek.

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